MY DEAR EGO!

Diba Ayten Yılmaz (November 2006)
(Translation from Turkish to English by Gul Degirmenci)

Think that the mask you wear is you and you become the dress that you wear.

To forget about yourself under the dress you wear, and to be a stranger to face under your mask.
I didn’t like something that I have done and I was angry with myself and complaining of that "why I did that in this way, why not that way". And all of a suddenly my spiritual guide asked me " Are you your ego?"

Then I understood that the side being angry with myself was my ego. The ego which doesn’t like to get criticized, my ego. With my guide's question, suddenly I stopped as if I was come into a wall and at that moment I forgot why I was angry.

And the answer was inevitable. I was thinking "It was Me"
Didn't I try to get rid of my ego? Didn't my ego block me? And if it were blocking me off, then why when it is gone, you get sad?

What is my problem with my ego? Why am I trying to get rid of it?

Years ago, when I set off my inner journey, I realized that my ego was halting me.
According to my description, ego is to protect yourself from pain, it is a wall between ourselves and the real world.

Mostly, in our childhood, while we were being hurt emotionally, physically, when we couldn't overcome that pain, we say "No, that pain doesn't exist, there is also nothing causing it." As we were denying pain, we start building our wall gradually. That's a wall being raised by the time and we forget what it was behind.

Ego is exactly behaves like a child who feels always lonely and forsaken and it gets far from Me and isolates itself. It creates separation as Me and You, then ego gets upset by feeling being remote from the person. Then the person suffers from being separated from inner being, real being. Separated from real being, it is just like being without main source which feeds our soul. At that moment, person is beginning to realize being punished by itself. It is furious and angry.

Physically we grow up, yes, however, in our childhood, the child who was hurt is still living inside and struggling with itself.

Also, because of reflecting our feelings outside, naturally that hatred and dislike comes back to ourselves. And we start asking "Why are these things happening in our lives?"
Actually, ego makes the reality upside down and creates chaos. Reality is simple. To refuse simplicity of reality causes confusion and turmoil. Every moment that we refuse our reality, so does the ego on his duty.

EGO COVERS UP

To close your eyes, go asleep, make your mind busy with TV, with many different addiction (alcohol, sex, shopping) to keep yourself busy. To avoid hearing inner messages , we find outer things. We go after Not To Be, but to Make. With our attitudes and outfit try to feel better. None of these can make the giant small living inside. Oppositely, if you dont give any chance to your ego to express itself, it gets bigger and covers more space and continue to bother you. As if someone is locked up to dark place punching walls. Until you open door and lighten the room. Opening the door makes you realize your fears, and getting light to that dark place means being more understanding and caring yourself.

EGO MAKES DILEMMA

In some cases we can say "you are not valuable and you are nothing", on the other hand, with a tiny critics your ego suddenly " Who are you that you are telling me, I am important and different" behaves protecting. However, if ego gets a message saying " you are so valuable, peerless and God created you with love", It gets panic and starts murmuring "No, no, nothing is like that. Am I important?" Because your ego knows that, as your spiritual inner being gets bigger, covers more space, its space will get smaller. Simply, it tries to protect its space and strength. So, you created ego but now it is struggling against you independently. My guide gave me a message that since I was defending my ego, I get far from myself, my inner being.

Yes, ego is build up by fear behind the wall because only fear is there. However, our inner being is our Godlike myself, so Divine Love.

When you take a look at your life, you can see traces of your ego. Which source are using for your private life and work life? Are your fears directing your life or you are living with love? Does love or fear decide your turning points in your life?

There is only one medicine for your fear is that Love and according to me, God's teaching is unconditional Love. To love everything that exist! But how?

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

The first step to reach unconditional Love, to see ourselves from different perspectives, to accept ourselves as we are, and love ourselves regardless. We make conditions first to ourselves and then to others. Saying these words to ourselves " If you behave nicely, everybody will love you" "Don't show your feelings, otherwise nobody will love you", we forbid ourselves that belongs us. The relation between fear and love is clear, isn't it? To fear from lack of love, we get far from our inner being and shadow our speciality.

When we accepts ourselves with our faults and flaws, we give permission to ourselves make a mistake. That is the way going to spiritual transformation and we get there by the way. We can change things that we accept they exist. That is why many people have difficulty to change, and they cannot add positive elements to their lives. Because they refuse to see their own reality by means of ego resistance.

One who accepts to see all own both sides starts changing, transforming the sides that he/she doesn't like. Person who opens up his/her heart opposite poles, he/she starts creating peace inside and naturally radiate understanding and love around.

Person who loves his/her unity, he and she accepts all aspects of his/her personality gives the same gift to humanity.

My guide says, "remember, you are pure love!" All of us are here to express our inner being harmonious with God will, teaching and love. You can discover your fears bravely and by means of love you can transform them to things that make you stronger.

With love and gratitude,